you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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