I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
