Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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