Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
