Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
