her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
