if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize