I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
