I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
