she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize