Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
