then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
