honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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