And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
