My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize