I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
