Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
