Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
