idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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