i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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