woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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