I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
