I am puke
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
its not stalking. its research.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
