wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
