Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
