Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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