She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
