Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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