I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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