I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
