You're completely useless in the revolution.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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