You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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