if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
