Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
