I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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