I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
