Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
