I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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