I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
