So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
