I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
