I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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