You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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