I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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