i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He shit in the fireplace
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
