I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
