If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
