I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
