I think I am morally bankrupt
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
