I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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