please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize