So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Of course I have a pirate flag
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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