Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
