You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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