dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
