I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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