you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There r osticjed everywhere
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
