I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
