we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just blew my weed a kiss
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
