So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize