he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
