I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Please, let me fuck your mom
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
