guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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