please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
