i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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