i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
