Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
