toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
