it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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