Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
