I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
