I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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