I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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