Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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