Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
