i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
