He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I came so hard my ears popped.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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