just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
