my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
