My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
