I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
