i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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