I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
