I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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