we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize