is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
