I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
