Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize