I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
