She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
