can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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