So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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