two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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