so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
