just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
