I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
