it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
