So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
