Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
