Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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