I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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