just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
