I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
