Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
