Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You were trust falling into bushes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
