THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
