I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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