i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
As shirtless as possible
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
