I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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