i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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