This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
