its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
