Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
