you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i was born a porn star she said
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize