Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
