i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
